Bukan budak sekolah agama

Bismillah.

Semoga ada kebaikan dalam penulisan ini. Semoga ada tekad setelah keinsafan ini.

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Panggilan dari rumah

Sudah hampir seminggu tidak menelefon ke rumah. Tidak tahu kenapa kali ini sering kali sahaja ada perkara lain yang membuatkan hasrat itu terbantut each time. Kadang-kadang kerana waktu sudah menginjak larut malam di Malaysia, keberadaan umi dan abah di tempat kerja, atau mungkin mereka sibuk dengan urusan seperti menghantar adik ke kelas mengaji, rumah nenek dan sbgnya. So, we only had our daily conversation in whatsapp.

Yesterday, i was talking of how restless I feel.

Rupa-rupanya hari ini setelah mendengar suara umi lewat perbualan telefon , hati jadi tenang kembali. That's exactly what I'm missing.

Sebab dah lama x cakap, we talked for almost two hours.  Adik ada enam orang, jadi this is the time untuk dengar update progress mereka one by one. Umi always talk to me about my siblings' progress and it's been a while. Listening to what they have achieved or what they are dealing with now makes me feel sooo left behind. 

The whole time, saya akan cakap banyak kali ' Eh, sungguh ko ummi? besarnyo adik along loni. '

Growth

About a week ago, one of my brother who's now a handsome 18 y/o boy gave me quite a surprise when he pm-ed me and asked me how i was doing. That's typically normal. then he said that he missed me and wished i would come home this year. That totally made me see him in different light. He's grown mature. And wise enough to express his affection to his sister. You know how in a boy's life, psychologically, there are a few phases. And i was expecting him to be in that 'individualistic-and-no-one-understand-me' phase where
they are less likely to engage with people around them, let alone confess their emotions. I was very proud tbh. He's now in Maahad muhammadi. Ummi cerita sekarang kat rumah kalau Hafiz balik dari asrama, he'll conduct solat berjemaah ramai-ramai kat ruang tamu. He loves tarannum. Such sweet voive he's blessed with. 

Ummi has a dream that she always, always shares with me. 'Kalau boleh dalam family kita, dalam kalangan anak-anak umi, umi nak sngt kalau ada yang hafal Al Quran, boleh buat jadi imam solat, tahu hukum hakam.'

...but most importantly of course umi nak anak soleh dan solehah. 

Ummi ada satu converstation dengan Hafiz about 3 days ago. 

 Dekat maahad ni, usually pelajar-pelajar akan di categorised into groups untuk fokus hafazan dengan tilawah. Dan Hafiz pilih dan dipilih untuk tilawah. Umi tanya, 'kenapa tak menghafal je, Hariz yang sekolah biasa tu pun dah start hafal kat sekolah dia. '

Ummi kata jawapan Hafiz made her think twice.

He said, ' Yang paling penting sebelum hafal ialah kena kenal tajwid, tertib, bacaan Al Quran yang betul dulu umi. Biar Hafiz belajar Al Quran dulu.'

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My youngest brother, aged 13 now, was studying in Faris petra. He was always the smart one. Great in sport, loved by his teachers and charming to his friends. Since school started this year, he enrolled dalam satu hafazan course outside of his class hours. Now umi cakap dia dah berjaya hafal a few juzuk. Hariz yang I knew when i leave him last time was just a little boy yang nak upsr, ambitious, but at the same time very playful, such a tease to his sisters back at home and downright, a child. How everyone has grown up!

 And how they have progressed so much respectively.

Syahmi who just had his SPM result has been going/staying couple of days a week in pondok kat kelantan. Belajar agama dengan tok guru, bertalaqqi. He turned out to be a very responsible guy along with my syazwan, his elder brother. These two, are the people yang selalu kat rumah sekarang untuk tolong umi dengan abah. 

Bukan budak sekolah agama

I was tired. Letih dengan expectation. I decided today to never again said such degrading words macam 'saya budak sekolah biasa je', ' saya bukan budak sbp/mrsm' atau 'saya bukan budak sekolah agama', 'dulu patut amik medik', or ' dulu tak kenal usrah' etc.

These are words that ridicule ourselves to its expectation. And sometimes, it allows you to believe that you are worth its expectation. Mungkin, it would never change anything, for the fact that it's who you are. But at the very least, it would no longer sound like I'm somehow remorseful or sorry for the path I've gone through. 

I'm not defined by my past. But the past surely made me who I am today.

I thought about this because i was just too inspired by my siblings. I knew how they are. their goodness, their downside, their flaws and yet, they still progress and grow beautifully in their own way, own path. 

Dua

 

Umi talked about my last two sisters. Amirah was not very good in Math.Ummi was accompanying her to do her homework.

Ummi said that her friend suggested a few ayat untuk amalkan. 

Kedengaran suara Aina sebagai latar belakang cuba menarik perhatian umi dengan bacaan doa tersebut. 'Ina ingat doh umi!' . She sounded so cheerful. Every morning, they would recite the dua, and umi will baca dua tu sambil letak tangan kat ubun-ubun adik. Serius jeles.

 

 

Sahih International

[And he said], "My Lord, grant me authority and join me with the righteous.

Ash-Shua'ra' (26: 83)

I would say, keluarga sangat-sangatlah penting.
A Friend can only motivate you so far.
A lover can only inspire you so far.


Everything takes time. Dan mungkin tak akan sampai tahap yang kita impikan pun. tapi tak salah nak bermimpi. Tak salah juga nak turut mencuba.

May Allah bless them both, ummi abah and grants them jannah.
and may we become better.

xx