Thursday, 17 March 2016

Why do I write?


I think I'm back for some more blogging. I used to write a lot back in those days. 
Usually, people asked me if i have so much time to be able to write and articulate my thoughts through my facebook/insta posts. Well, I dont. 

We all have 24 hours a day. I have time allocated for every hat i put on. As a student, as kakak usrah, as a housemate, as a daughter and so on. What you see on social media does not depict my real life. We choose what we wanna show. I wish life is all bed of roses. All i need to do is travel, cook or paint. But no. We have other responsibilities. And that makes us feels alive.

I love being busy. Sometimes, i get overwhelmed and a bit worked up. But that teaches me to appreciate my free time and value my own efforts throughout. Sometimes, I also have trouble in managing my time.  Yesterday i spend half day baking and cooking(not that i realised it) and I decided to not go to usrah later that night coz I've already taken more time than I should. Anyway, my housemate can take the kuih I made to the gathering. So, i feel much better. I find it really hard to say no, without actually explaining myself. 

" I've been to usrah the day before. So i hope it's ok if i don't turn up today because....."

That is something i need to work on.


I'm an expressive person. If I love you, I'll tell you. If i'm proud of you, I'll tell you. If i don't particularly like something or disagree with you, I'd love to talk about it. I don't like dispute as much as you do. But I always believe that communication is key. The faster we put thing on the table, the merrier our life would be. I guess my habit of writing things down helps me to detect what i wanna say, what i truly feel and help me to understand others' point of view. 

I'm not talkative. I'm actually an introvert, but as I progress in my study environment, I put stress on my extravertness. I learn to dissociate shyness from inability to become confident. I grew out of my fear of being judged. That's how i improved in my public speaking. Trust me, I'm quite reserved. Soft-spoken and shy. lol

In a nutshell, i would encourage people to write more. Write everyday on anything. It helps you to express yourself better. You can deliver your thoughts and feelings better. You learn to gain more out of littlest, simplest thing. You learn to see more than what your eyes see. 

Believe me :)

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Old Age.


 Yesterday, I went for my first lecture on my favourite module called ' Clinical Ageing and Health'. 
I made a solemn promise at the back of my head to try and recap some of the essence of my lecture and share it to people. My sharing might not necessarily focus heavily on the scientific aspect of my module (but I would include that too, albeit, on very minimum scale).  

The study of Ageing

One thing for us to realise, is that, there's variability in how people age. One who aged 80 years old may differ (in all aspect) to another 80 years old fellow.  What cause certain people to age 'gracefully' ?

Generally, the world life expectancy has been going up through out the years. Hundred years ago, the population may comprise of 1% of people who age more than 65 years old. Now, it has increased to 7% and expected to increase at times.  In other words, there are more people who survived beyond that age (65 years old).  There is probably lower falling infants / early adult death rates and increase in survival. 
All, in which, results from many factors ( It's multi-factorial). 

This module is very interesting. As we dig deeper into the many aspect concerning ageing- which is a substantial part of our life process, I hopefully gained better realisation of how short our life is and then, gain aspiration to work on maximising ways to make my life significant and meaningful. 

Ageing is irreversible. 

Ageing and death.

'Ageing is a progressive generalised impairment of function which results in increased probability of death'

One of the implication of ageing is co-morbidity. Although we find more people live longer nowadays, they also live with more illness. Ideally, in added years there's compression of morbidity/ diseases. 

We have been asked once in a lecture during our second year, 

' Do you prefer to live life when you still have self-dependency or would you rather live longer but suffer illness and has to depend on your family?'

His question echoed through the classroom.


As we go through our lecture, Dr Barber decided to give another perspective for us to look at. We watched a TED talk (which, i REALY, REALLY RECOMMEND) :

' As my muscle weakens, my writing became strong,
As I slowly lost my speech, I gain my voice,
As I diminished, I grew,
As I lost so much, I finally started to find myself.'

'It's not having experiences that makes us wise, but reflecting on those experiences. That way, we become whole, wise and authentic!'


That's more like an intro to the subject of ageing. If you have any question, I'll give my best shot.  Please, please pray that my final year gonna be a smooth sailing. banyaknyaaaaa scientific essay nak kena buat + journals nak kena baca  T.T

I actually borrowed some books from library(waw amni).  Loves this kinda topics though. InsyaAllah tolonglah jangan memberatkan bag je please -.-


Friday, 2 October 2015

After all, we are all sinners.


       Sunny day. People seemed to be very happy about that. And the thing about the streets of the cities- Newcastle and alike, you'll always be entertained by street singers, musicians and performers while you strolled down the roads. I was especially attracted to this one girl with her violin play. I joined the many old folks who sat on the benches around the area. Some are husbands, waiting for their wives. Some are just simply enjoying the show, while being sun-kissed. Mostly old folks.
I was alone at first, with my bag of goodies I bought earlier. I was crossing off my to-do-list in my schedule when an old man approached. I reckoned he wanted to have a sit besides me. I smiled and moved all the bags closer to my side. 

Quiet. Me with my book. And he, well, I let some space for tranquility if that what he's after. He seemed to enjoy the music. After a while, I simply had the book in my hands, but my eyes on the show. Staring attentively. 

' Can I ask you a personal question? ' his course voice sounded fatherly. His face, friendly too. But it was too abrupt I couldnt catch him the first time.

' Sorry?'

He repeated. And I said, ' Of course,'

' What is the significance of wearing the headscarf for you?'
For me , words is important. I can usually answer people straight away without hesitant. I mean, those are the type of questions I always get. 'Significant' is a huge word. Why?

I was startled and took some time to think. 

' Is it a religious thing?' he added.

' Essentially, yes. I believe God ordered us to cover ourselves. It's in the book. And , ultimately, it's my choice.'

' Yes, it's in the Quran isn't it? i understand you wearing the head scarf. I have no problem with that. But why some women cover their faces? I find it offensive.'

' Well, it's a form of act wanting to please God, even more. The further extend chosen by some muslim. Bearing in mind that, whatever we do, is for us- not that God needs it from us. Allah is self-sufficient. It's their choice, just like how I CHOOSE to wear my head scarf, only that, mine is an obligation as well'
*(this is based on my own pegangan that niqab is not wajib. May Allah forgives my ambiguity, if there is)

' But i believe God, Allah or Jesus... wouldn't want us to hide our beauty. I mean, I'm fine with you. You don't cover your face. I believe we, women or men are made beautiful.,'

' But first you have to define 'beautiful'....' I said. 

( Aku pun rasa perbualan ni deep -.-)


' Have you met these muslim ladies, covering their face, and talk to them? Most of them are kind-hearted people. Wearing this face covers does not make one loose the essence of humanity one hold. They are normal people who just, apparently choose to do whatever they wanted to do, in this case, niqab. It's their right, so although I won't do it, I have no say in how they should do it, right?

' You are right. But I cant help feeling that they dont think about other people. How can ones talk to another and let not their face expression seen to another?'

' There's nothing we can do about that, honestly. I know I said this many time. But it's a choice, and it's a choice that involves their right.. not ours. You can't say to a woman who dyed her hair pink, that you want to see her hair blonde. You can't say to a women who wear headscarf that you need to see her hair. Why their choice of wearing niqab becomes more questionable than others? It's the perception, isn't it?

At this point, I need to loosen things up. ~

' I agree that we are all beautiful, tho, like you said.'

He smiled and nodded. 

' I hope you dont mind me asking all this questions. Yes, we are beautiful people. One is more beautiful than another sinner.. no, scratch that. After all, we are all sinners.'


Aku pun tak tahu kenapa perbualan dengan pak cik ni rasa sangat berfalsafah. Buat diri rasa nak berfikir. Padahal aku ke bandar hari ni, nak fikir siapkan kerja, balik rumah etc. It's true. Sometimes you just have to go out there and take the opportunity to talk to someone around you- especially old people, travellers and someone who went through a lot. You never know what lesson is in stored for you. Kata orang, tarbiyah jalanan? huh entahlah, aku pun buntu. Tapi, perbualan hari ini aku anggap satu teguran dari Tuhan untuk mempersoalkan apa itu 'significant' kembali.