watdehelattitude

First one, of 2015.

Bismillah.

The first usrah that we had for this semester was in our home sweet home. We were chatting, laughing and sharing some wonderful summer experiences . Alhamdulillah it was a full house. Exchanging great stories, some of us went volunteering, one of us got married, some talked about the ilm fest they went to and share what they got, and oh, excuse the food huntings excitement. XD

Anyway, there's one take-away point from this usrah that kick start my new semester in a novel way. That shifted my paradigm basically. And that is;

#watdehelattitude

****

My first year was not too bad. It's just that I'm in this 'transition state'.  Of fitting in and knowing where to put myself at this so called social hierarchy/ status quo- that i dont quite understand. In the end, I was just that one girl in my own 'cover-her-hair-labelled group'. Not a nerd. Not a socially loud and boisterous lad either. nor am I socially awkward. I was just an exclusion. I was just exclusive to put it in much better way. #foreveralone  (but i was happy to be able to potrey myself as a muslim so easily just by what i'm wearing)

People noticed me coz i wear hijab, obviously. *Disclaimer ; it was a huge group of 400+ people for Bsc Biomedical Science taking the same module during the first year. You cant possibly know everyone. 

But to have at least one person as a friend would be very helpful. 

A friend- as in, those who talk and socialise with you even outside of the academic classes. Well, I talked to many people, casually having small talks like 'how's your weekend' or 'How do you find the lecture'..  But there's no real attachment.  they are dinstinctive conversation which does not co-relate to one another since we dont have any mutual experiences or talks before. It's undeniable that I sometimes felt left out...or unable to connect with people around me. There's just too much differences- i thought to myself. (But, life outside of school is okay. I'm not that miserable at all >.<)

Being a people person, it drains energy out of me. I'd rather sit alone than pretending to be in a group of people who're not really interested in making genuine connection/ conversation etc with me. But, to put it simply, I try to suck it up last semester and just bare with it. Everyday I came out the house fully charged only to be back at home drained- emotionally exhausted. Then, I befriended a Hong Kong girl, Fiona. Alhamdulillah2. A lovely, wonderful friend of mine . We went out tgt a lot and have our sleep over, random chit chats. That gave me sort of a great 'recovery' to enjoy my uni life as normal student would. 

However, during last summer she broke this news to me of her not coming back to Ncl for good to continue her study in HK. It was a like a shell bomb dropped down and shattered my world to pieces ( k, over meni). To be honest, I was a bit scared to face the new semester. I talked to my ummi and as her words never fail to soothe me, again the same this time, she said, 'Allah yang pegang hati manusia. Jaga hubungan dengan Allah, dan Dia akan jaga hubungan kita dengan manusia.'

Basic rules we sometimes forget. :)

***

So, when this one sister told the rest of the halaqah about her aspiration of this watdehel attitude, I was enlightened. Neglecting what others say and focus on whatever it is that you want to achieve. To remove that inner strain and mentality that stops you from progressing. She shared her stories. It sounded exactly like what i had experienced last time.  Now it's her final year and amazing things started to happen when she decided to take this step. Her spirit somehow have been uplifted too and it shines through!- and she jokingly said that it was partly because she's just married. *no comment on that matter* lol

As past of my self-betterment journey, i decided to just try and let go. Slowly, taking more steps to enhance relationship with people and also, to be involved in many more things so that I can get valuable experience and as added bonus, meet new people along the way. I'm normally rather undecisive. Talk about things I love but take ages to consider on joining- just because i was waiting for a friend to go with. 

I started volunterring in Oxfam. 

Gathering my gut to start a conversation with a stranger (yang diyakini selamat) lol

Be more bold in my approaches.

What i meant from being bold is, to talk when i have to talk -no matter how stupid it may or may not have sounded. I used to be a well-reserved, quiet person at school. At seminar, I wont be talking as much except at times when i have to. I remembered the first lab session we had for this semester, it was a six hour lab session mind you. and almost half of the time is generally ...you, sitting down and talking with people around you as you wait for bacteria to incubate.  It could have been an enjoyable, and 'x perasan masa berjalan' one or simply a super awkward time.  Alhamdulillah, gather all my courage to set things right and test run this watdehel attitude. I became much approchable in person and found myself making friends more easily. I'm quite certain those people in my bench was probably thinking that I was behaving rather differently from last semester. 

And Allah has been so kind to me to replace that one friend I had to accompany me last time, with two now. Both being so lovely and makes my second year a much better experience as a whole- academically and socially.  It makes me realise that, while it's true I can just mix with fellow muslims or just hang out with malaysians (from my school not in my batch),  i would have lost the opportunity to introduce my religion to people around me as well.To mend the misconception. To show them the beauty in what we believe in. And what better way of doing this other than actually being their friends?  So, we can both understand each other. 

So, among my relationship goal with them is to do these :   

If you want to know someone in depth and for someone to know you in depth :

1. live with them

2. travel with them

3. work with them

We had our sleep over, we work our way tgt in studies and I'm looking forward to have our road trip to highland very soon. <3

****

I find no self-benefitting purpose to proclaim as to why I wrote this down, other than hoping that someone would read it and be inspired to do the same. And also to not feel discourage when you are the only muslim/ malaysian in your course- coz you are simply not alone.

Let's do this. #watdehelattitude

xx