is there a way i can do this easy?

Bismillah

mohon pada hati, agar bibit2 chenta pada yang Satu itu tidak pudar,

mohon pada hati, agar susah payah perjalanan ini membawa aku dekat kepada sang Pencipta,

mohon pada hati, sedih yang bertandang nun jauh pergi saat tasbih berbicara,

mohon pada hati, Tuhan itu bukan diingat di masjid sahaja, lalu saat keluar ditinggal begitu

mohon pada hati, agar aku tidak lupa.

bahawa Kau Tuhanku dan aku apa?

hanya hamba.

.

Ya Allah. i really want to go home now. i really need to be embraced by the love of people i treasure most. ummi, abah, little brothers and sisters. yeah, your big sis comin home!

just now, i found out that PMC had given me an offer for it's twinning programme. Alhamdulillah. i cant phrase well how i feel at this moment.of course i'm happy but at the same time i'm worried. i need to pay deposit which have a due by this 26th of feb. 

going to pmc is not even a sure thing. i hate asking money from both of my parent. i feel like a burden to them. realising how i'll make them work harder to feed all us 7 siblings. it just makes me feel terribly sad. 

:'(

Allahu

if there's just a way that i can do this without causing haste to them. if just..

i'll trade the world for it.

istikharah . my nearest solution for now before going back to tell this new.

this is how i find strength each day.